Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
