12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
