You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
tell me about the eggs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
