Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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