I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
