people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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