There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
