You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
