Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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