Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
