I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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