Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
