i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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