pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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