are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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