and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
