im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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