I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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