goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
