tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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