well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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