I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wear drunk well.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
