you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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