cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
