I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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