Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize