i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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