I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
