I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
