She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
