When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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