Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
