I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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