It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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