Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
