my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
