I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
