So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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