I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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