Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
