she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
