You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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