Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
