I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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