He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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