how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
