Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
