In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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