If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
