all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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