I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
