he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
