Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
