Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
