are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
