No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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