Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
