In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
