Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
