He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
