you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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