Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
