He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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